How empowered do you feel when it comes to dealing with political issues? How confident do you feel about understanding government and your rights? Do you fear the government?

 If you feel like you aren’t sure how to deal with political topics, or don’t understand quite how government works, and aren’t sure you really know your rights, well guess what? You aren’t alone. And it’s pretty much by design.
How easy it to gain control over others? It doesn’t happen overnight. This is like the year that a giant red launch button was pushed. Plans were in place. Hell, even the planets are aligned for all this upheaval, pandemic, and chaos going on. So my question, how easy is it to gain control over others and have them fall right in line?
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• Don’t educate them on certain topics, control what they learn
• Don’t truly educate them on their rights and how to use them
• Confuse the crap out of them, until they don’t know what’s up or down anymore
• Indoctrination, propaganda, programming
• Mainstream media
• Hollywood

  The list goes on a mile long, but you get the gist. But that wouldn’t happen in your state, in your country, in America, the land of the free… right?

 How much do you remember from civics class? Did you take a civics class in school? If you did, was anything you ever learned put into practice? Probably not.

  Here’s the short of what I’m getting at:
The government’s job is to protect our rights. To create equal laws. Its purpose is to serve the people and uphold the constitution. Do you feel like that’s happening right now? I don’t. I can’t even recall a time when I felt like my voice was heard or that government was looking out for the people. But it’s truly out of control this year. Everywhere in this country.  

 The government isn’t responsible for us, and it’s certainly not meant to reign over us.
 If you’re living in fear of the government, that’s tyranny. If you’re being told how to live your life by the government, that’s tyranny, that’s dictatorship, and you certainly wouldn’t see that in America…..right?  
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 Yesterday evening I attended an event put on by Rep. Heather Scott and Health Freedom Idaho at Julia Davis Park. I saw her speak at the Capitol in Boise on Tuesday (read about the rally here). She was amazing, as many of the 15 that showed up for that special session were. I was inspired, and felt some hope, and unity, and like my voice, and the voice of the people around me in the gallery were being heard. Sure we didn’t get a resolution we had hoped for, but for the first time ever in my life, I felt like there’s actually people, legislators that care and really do want to do their job. They want to be a voice for the people and uphold their oath and the Constitution.

 My initial impression of Heather is that she’s down to earth, approachable, passionate, and empowering.  She wants to keep America a Republic and she wants people to understand their rights.
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 Really quickly, I’m going to do my best to sum up the topics she discussed, what I got from her presentation "Plannedemic":

1. Power grabbing by our Governor. Running Idaho like he’s a king. Making his own advisory board, making, amending, and suspending hundreds of statutes.
2. Extreme emergency in Idaho that’s never happened
3. The 1.6 billion dollars our Governor has taken from the feds, which of course is strings attached, and it’s 38% more money than Idaho even spends in a year. This money is also not being tracked by the State Controller office. Why?
4. Contact tracing plans  which started at $7 million dollars and is now up to $55 million dollars (correct me if I’m wrong, I’m pretty sure she said 55 mil). This staffs up Idaho for massive surveillance, CPS, and breaking up family units. This is a big one, folks. If you have kids, you need to read over the 37 page document that covers the governor plans. And you need to know your rights about how to protect your children and your family.
5. Information overload by news and social media
6. Government “running amuck”
7. Turmoil, tyranny, and anarchy in America
8. The “bludgeoning” of messages around Covid i.e. “ new world,” “flatten the curve,” “stay home,” “stay safe,” “self-quarantine,” and last but not least “ “social distancing.”
9. Christianity, churches closing their doors when people needed them most. How the media has become church, telling us what to do, how to spend time, how to interact with each other, etc. The topic of Christians seeing this as a spiritual battle.
10. Draconian policies. Messages to be afraid, shun socialization, snitch on people not complying, and follow government edicts. Sounds like themes from far too many books and movies, but I won’t go there.
11. Stickers on businesses to show they’re a “non-hating” business. I don’t know about you guys reading this, but sounds to me a bit like the ol Green Book days, when black people knew/told where they could travel safely. Again, not a topic I’m getting into right now, but you can ponder on yourself.



12. Mail in ballots that can lead to fraud.
    
13. DNA databases, all the massive swabbing, forced vaccinations, deep state, elite globalists, the book of Revelations, Nano technology, oh and how about all the money that biotech companies are dumping into Idaho.
14. Businesses only taking credit cards. This way we can be that much more easily traced on where we’ve been.
15. She explained some phone calls and honestly what sounds like a federal takeover, here’s the language used,” locally executed, state managed, federally supported scenarios and regulations.” Hhhmmm, so our governor can pretty much free himself from responsibility by putting things off on the health district, some other region, or the President. You may think your hands can be wiped clean Gov. Little, but we the people see otherwise.
16. She explained socialism briefly: “marginalize, demonize, criminalize, litigate, incarcerate, and exterminate.”
17. She expressed over and over how critical it is to know our rights, but also how to stand on them, how actually use them.
18. She asked the question, “What’s your line in the sand? When is enough is enough?” Basically, what do we value, what do we stand for, what can’t we take anymore, and what’s it going to take to get people to want to protect their freedom. Freedom isn’t free. Know your rights was drilled in to every bit of the presentation. She wants people empowered to be in a free country that know how to use their rights. We are all responsible for ourselves and to stop being so complacent to the government edicts. We need to know the system we’re in. 

 Okay, awesome presentation, Heather. Seriously, she was hitting the nail on the head with all of her points she wanted to make. And she didn’t leave us hanging. She did give some pointers. In case you didn’t know, a representative’s job is to uphold the constitution and make laws. If you want the government to hold your hand then you don’t want to live in a free nation. As Benjamin Franklin said, “Any society that will give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both.”

 Folks, that’s where we are. Right now. What are you willing to give up? What are you willing to lose?
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 So here’s some pointers by Rep. Heather Scott:

• Get right with God. And I’ll put my two cents in, when you have a relationship with God, and you keep that connection open, you allow love, light, hope, faith, and fearlessness to guide you. These are awful times we’re in and so many of us are feeling scared, confused, broken, hopeless, defeated. Your days are numbered like the hairs on your head. Find God, get right with God, and invite God to work in your life and through you. So spot on, Heather. I agree.

 

• Don’t offer personal info to government. The fastest way to lose your rights is to offer up more to the government. Don’t give more than you’re legally required to.

 

• Homeschool. Pull your kids out of “government run school.”  Schools don’t teach civics, your rights and how to use them. Kids need to be taught about their rights, freedom, and they need to learn how to be self-reliant, and have values. They need to learn to work and not be dependent on the government to take care of them.

 

• Turn off the TV. Get off social media. Learn how social media is being used to spy on you. Back away from the propaganda.

 

• Think locally, not globally. Connect with your neighbors, build relationships. Trade skill sets. Learn from one another. Help each other out. Learn who your reps and senators are. Learn who your library commissioners are, the fire district commissioner, and county commissioner. Know who represents your values and boundaries.

 

• Don’t let contact tracers take your neighbor’s kids. Know one another, activate phone trees, protect one another.

 

• Have communication outside of social media: emails, landlines, walkie talkies, HAMM radio.

 

• Understand the role of government; understand jurisdictions in government and what authority people have in certain positions. Know how to identify tyrants.

 

• Get out of debt. Simplify. Become self-reliant. Continue to grow and cultivate yourself through acquiring new skills and trades.

 

• Follow the money. Check out the Secretary of State for your district to see what money is coming in, from whom, and where the money is going.  Your money is being spent and probably wasted. Get your tax papers/ house assessment and find out who’s spending your money. Go to meetings

 

• Know your line in the sand. What are you not going to tolerate and know what you can do about it.

 
 
 That’s it in a nutshell. Everything I can remember from her talking points. 

 Now to get really personal, because that’s what I do, it’s my blog, my story, my experience. I’m not here to just lay out what was said.

 This week has been a whirlwind for me. Since this is my family blog and I only share it with my family and friends 99% of the time, you know my story. This year has been truly tough for me with my health challenges and having another baby. I’ve been pretty isolated for the last year, with most of my contact being mainly doctors and home health care nurses. I’m dealing with that aftermath, but I’m finally starting to get a glimpse of my old drive, my passion, my fire. I want to get back to life, back to feeling like I’m actually living. I’m going to cling to that, because life is meant to be lived. Lived not in isolation but lived out with others. Not suffering. Not in pain. Not in silence. Not in stigma.

 I’m an introvert. Getting out as much as I have, every day this week, meeting new people, getting involved, and learning, has been a bit overwhelming. But in a good way. I feel like I’ve met some strong, vocal, badass women. I’ve met other moms. I’ve met like-minded people. I’ve attended a session at the Capitol and listened to reps discuss a proclamation, and actually had the opportunity to meet and chat with a representative. The last couple of weeks I was emailing reps and senators and went out to sign the petition to recall the governor.

 A leaf is turning.  We must persevere if we want to keep this country a free nation. We all have to step up and do better. We have to do better for our children, for each other, and for ourselves.  Don’t lose yourself to the propaganda and fear. Remember who you are. Get in touch with that light and love inside. Get right with yourself. Get right with God. Go do some good in the world. Fight for what’s right. Exercise your rights. Learn how to connect with people again. And I don’t just mean because of all the isolation this year. We’ve all been far too removed from one another for far too long. I’m always learning. I’m pushing myself out of my comfort zones.  We can all do this.
 
 Now, this introverted, tired momma is going to go hang out in the sunshine with my babies, lie out on the grass and ground myself a bit, then go for a walk. This the weekend is busy, too, with a birthday party for my sweet little niece and a photoshoot for my dear friend that just had a baby. I will be living my life and being with people I care about, and getting out. I will be working on growing that light inside of me that’s been darkened so badly in the last year and more so since this crisis happened in the world and our country. I’m taking a stand for my life and I’m going to live it. I urge you to do the same.
 

  Today was a historic day for Idaho, and I’m proud to say I was witness to it. I exercised my Constitutional rights by attending the people’s rally at the Capitol and to support legislators meeting and speaking up about their thoughts on what’s happening in Idaho. In short, the big goal is to end the state of emergency that Gov. Little has placed on Idaho. What we got from today was 15 of 105 reps sharing a proclamation.
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 Firstly, the mainstream media (MSM) wants to portray today’s event at the Capitol as a bunch of whining, radical right wing extremists. I’ll tell you, I was there firsthand and that wasn’t my impression at all. What I saw were people that want to stand up for and protect their rights and freedoms as Idahoans and Americans. They want to protect their families and they want a secure future, which as all of us in America can agree on, is that the future feels very unclear right now.

 I heard people talking about losing their jobs, homes, people that couldn’t get medical treatment because of shutdowns, rates of mental illness on the rise. I heard talk about how they fear their children and grandchildren’s future will be spent paying the price for the shutdowns and money being handed out by the government. I heard people talking mostly about the loss of freedoms and their desire to protect America’s Constitution and the Constitution of Idaho. I heard from a woman from Romania that experienced tyranny firsthand and recognizes what’s happening in America now.

 These weren’t radical people wanting to overthrow government. They’re patriots. They’re constitutionalists. They’re parents. They’re business owners. They’re homeowners. They gathered peacefully.  They want to be heard. And with that said, I’m part of this they I refer to as well.

I’m a mom. I want my parental rights secured and medical freedom. I want the Constitution to be upheld. I want a safe, free state and country to raise my children in. I want to know that the checks and balances that should be taking place in our government are working. And when things are going wrong I want to be heard. I want to have these genuine conversations and I want solutions to the problems we’re facing.
 
 I’ll be really honest here; I’m not one to easily make choices to get involved with much of anything. I’m very reserved for the most part, shy, introverted, and cautious. Now people that know me well, sure no problem being open with them, but that’s few. I don’t like rush hour traffic; crowds, public speaking, grocery shopping when the store is busy, and I tend to just be a homebody. It took a lot for me to walk up to a crowd of people where I didn’t know anyone, during a rally, in a time like this that our country is facing. I was nervous.
I just know that I can’t sit here any longer watching the country fall apart, and turn out to either be only a thumb twiddling keyboard warrior, or disassociate by putting my head in the sand and hoping everything just gets better. I have my own beliefs and opinions, and they aren’t typically on the popular side, they aren’t typically mainstream, but unless you know me well, you just won’t know what I think about certain things, because I stopped opening up and sharing my thoughts a long time ago about issues that are triggering and divisive for so many.

 Although today may not have ended with a clear path towards ending the state of emergency Idaho has been placed under, it was a positive experience. I’m so happy I went to the Capitol today to witness and be a part of this rally.

 During this “special” session as it’s being referred to I was inspired, moved, and motivated by not only the people that were there, united and peaceful, but very much by the brave representatives that attended. Why are they brave?
Because they are speaking up. Because they are upholding their oath in a time when they will take so much heat for what they spoke today. Because they’re facing threats and pressure from the top down.

 They came and they heard the people, they are being a voice for the people, they’re doing what they swore an oath to do.

 First off, when they entered the House they didn’t just sit at their marked seats. They pulled their chairs around in a circle and gathered with us, with each other. Right then I was impressed by the action to show that this is a conversation, this is not divisive, or an us vs. them, they were there to be a voice for us and to work together.

The session was opened with prayer, so the Spirit of God was called on, and I believe that’s important. The Pledge of Allegiance was recited, we took a seat and the reps began with the reading of a proclamation stating their concerns for the state of Idaho and the country, and things that are happening that are unconstitutional.  There were definitely concerns that our country is under attack. There were concerns about how our Governor has been handling things this year and his overreach of power.

 The proclamation lets other legislators know and the Governor know where they stand. We didn’t get a resolution, which means there’s still a lot more effort that needs to be made in order to get our freedom, government, and rights back in Idaho. The mainstream media (MSM) is going to eat these reps alive and the people that attended. Patriots have got to unite and stand together as we move forward to keep fighting for our rights in Idaho.
All of Idaho’s representatives should’ve been in attendance. Some were opposed. Some were under the belief that is was actually unconstitutional to be there. Some were there, but were hanging back in the hallway, not being a part of the session. Some may’ve wanted to see support from the people, because they’ve been threatened or simply know that MSM will come for them. Whatever the reasons are for the reps not in attendance, honestly, in my opinion, doesn’t trump the fact that they took an oath to be a voice for the people and to uphold the Constitution. Every single one of them should’ve been there to deliberate. It’s a violation to their oath of office they were elected into.

 Idaho needs its reps and senators to read and sign the proclamation.

 Our Governor has suspended rights in Idaho. He has suspended parental rights, instilling contact tracers, he has suspended 200 statutes. He has taken 1.25 billion dollars from the federal government. Gov. Little is drafting, amending, and suspending statutes without legislature. He’s violating separation of powers. He’s violating the checks and balances that are supposed to be in place. Last I checked this is the United States of America, a republic, and he seems to have forgotten that he can’t reign as a tyrannical king over Idaho.
Here’s the thing, our legislators should be meeting, and they should be reconvening on the 90th day after a state of emergency has been declared. We need to terminate the state of emergency. We need our rights back. We need to be able to parent without fear, run our businesses, go to work, attend churches, attend gatherings, have medical freedom, and quit living in fear. We need our reps to be our voice, but they’ve been deemed non-essential like the rest of us. Meanwhile our Governor has formed his own advisory board.
This isn’t about overthrowing the government. It’s about being intelligent, respectful, having heart, and ensuring we can protect our freedoms and Constitution. We have to get the legislature to meet for an emergency session. We, as the people need to support our legislators to be able to do their job.

 I heard 15 reps speak today. They had backbones, heart, passion, and came across absolutely genuine. They care deeply about their job, their state and country, the people, their own family, and freedoms. Some of us sitting in the gallery were moved to tears. At times, it was challenging to not want to stand up and applaud them for sharing their thoughts, fears, hopes, and wisdom. It gave me hope to listen to them today. I was moved. And just as so many of us sitting there listening were proud of them, they were in turn proud of us for being there, too. Because it’s we the people that must take action, stay informed, and realize that what we put in is what we get back, or at least ought to be, right?
These are disheartening and frightening times. Everyone has something to be pissed off about, scared of, but what can we do about it? What can you do? Can you take the time to attend these events? Can you take the time to meet new people? Can you take the time to write or call your local reps, senators, and sheriffs? Can you take the time to educate legislators what you support and don’t support? Can you build relationships with people? Can you have conversations that are productive?

 The biggest hindrance to today’s session is the fact that only 15 of 105 reps attended. The people that weren’t there that needed to be there. There’s divisiveness every direction we look and there’s fear. Tyranny is taking place. People are confused. When people are scared and confused they don’t act or they bicker or as we’re seeing all over the place they get violent. I don’t know about you, but that’s not how I want to live and it’s absolutely not how I want my children to grow up.  Maybe like I did, I had to gut check myself, I had to put my fears aside, I had to put my cynicism aside and I had to be present, listen, and be a part of taking action. It felt good. And I thank God it was a peaceful assembly, which is a great example of coming together during this time in our country.

 I have found myself feeling overwhelmed by so many things this year. But I can tell you it felt great to go attend this event today, to be a part of history in the making, to be a part of the people, to care deeply and want to get involved, in person, to learn, to have a firsthand experience and not just what MSM feeds a steady diet of. I’m ready for more of this. Ready for more action to support, to not be a victim to the injustice that’s happening all over, and to take a role in my life and for the lives of my children, and probably grandchildren that will be affected by what’s happening this year.
 
 I’d like to end this on a note of deep gratitude for the 15 brave reps that spoke up today. On a note of honesty, I don’t claim to know all of your track records or everything you’ve voted for or against, either. I just know that after listening to each of you speak today, which each of you seemed to speak from your heart, with passion, off the cuff, and I was moved by it. You have my love and support to get back to your job, which is essential, which is needed and to do what’s best for Idahoans and to end this state of emergency and get our rights back.

1. Dist 2 Rep. Vito Barbieri(R)
2. Dist 9 Rep. Judy Boyle(R)
3. Dist 32 Rep. Chad Christensen(R)
4. Dist 13 Rep. Brent Crane(R)
5. Dist 8 Rep. Terry Gestrin
6. Dist 7 Priscilla Giddings(R)
7. Dist 6 Rep. Mike Kingsley(R)
8. Dist 3 Rep. Ron Mendive(R)
9. Dist 8 Rep. Dorothy Moon
10. Dist. 11 Rep. Tammy Nichols
11. Dist 2 Rep. Tim Remington
12. Dist 1 Rep. Heather Scott
13. Dist 7 Rep. Paul Shepherd
14. Dist 3 Rep. Tony Wisniewski(R)
15. Dist 23 Rep Christy Zito(R)

 
 

Why Recall a Governor? Why I signed the petition

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Learn more about the efforts and reasons to recall the Governor

​ Government cannot grant to us, nor revoke from us; our unalienable Rights bestowed upon us by our Creator- those being Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness.
 That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. 

 These statements above are straight from the Declaration of Independence.

 Today I took a small stand and signed my name to vote out Governor Brad Little. I cannot sit idly by and wring my hands over the loss of rights that has occurred since this pandemic started. Gov. Little has stripped away rights of Idahoans. He has stripped away parental rights, he stands to take away medical freedom, he has shut down businesses, and he’s shown himself to be incapable of handling the power that comes with his leadership position as governor of Idaho.
 Our unalienable Rights have been deemed insignificant and have been treaded on in the name of public safety. Idahoans need a leader that stands up for and protects the Constitution.

 He has suspended parental rights. For me, personally this is a HUGE red flag. He has proposed there won’t be any back to “normal” without forced vaccinations. Again, another red flag, as I stand for people being able to choose their medical care. He has deemed what businesses are essential and which ones aren’t, therefore denying people the right to work. He has closed down churches and the polls. Small businesses are being destroyed in this SCAMDEMIC. Rates of depression, anxiety, and suicides have risen as people are being forced to isolate and lose their livelihoods.  He is enforcing and hiring contact tracers. He is demanding compliance to irrational guidelines, guidelines which aren’t laws.
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 These are only some of the issues that compel me to take a stand and sign my name to recall him.

 It takes 20% of registered voters to recall a governor in Idaho. Time will tell. Regardless of what happens, I won’t sit by, being a keyboard warrior or wringing my hands over the loss of rights this country is facing without doing the least I can by signing my name with the hopes for something better for Idaho. 

Milestone photos of Stella 1 week to 3 months old. 
​Postpartum notes

;weet girl, you're here! You eat all the time and just want to be close to mommy. You're first day home was February 15th. It was overcast and sprinkling outside. In the first 9 days we had some concerns with jaundice. We were worried as we went through a lot with your big sister, Clara, when she had jaundice. However, we were able to get your bili levels down to an acceptable range by the time you were 5 days old. 
I had milk coming in quite a bit when we were at the hospital, but it quickly dwindled, so since this wasn't my first rodeo with nursing and expected I'd have trouble with low supply issues, I had set up an appointment with our lactation consultant, Lynelle, but she was busy so her assistant came over. Sharina and I have had some previous interactions which we both got a kick out of. When I was pregnant with Clara, Sharina was introduced to me through my friend and doula, Chelsea, she was learning to become a doula. So she came over to the house with Chelsea one time when we had an appointment. 

Then, a little while later, Clara was getting speech therapy sessions at home for a year, and Sharina was her case worker for her sessions. 

So when Lynelle told me her trainee would be coming over for our appointment and told me her name, I knew it had to be the Sharina I know. Sure enough it was her. We had two visits day five and day nine. You weighed 7 lbs 5.5 oz. We still needed to get your weight up 9.5 ounces to get you to your birth weight, so we increased your formula to supplement for what I wasn't producing in breast milk for you. 

At nine days old we had a relaxed  photo session  at home with my friend, Edith. 

I love watching your sleep and cooing over your expressions. 

Through your first month
Day 5, Feb. 17: Your first pediatrician appointment and we had to go straight to the hospital to get your bilirubin levels checked after seeing your doctor. I was very worried about taking you out with Covid going around.  I also didn’t feel well, as I had pneumonia, lots of swelling from surgery, and no sleep.

Your umbilical cord fell off at 7:30pm on Feb. 24, 12 days old

Day 15, Feb. 27: Had your ECG, echocardiogram, to check for heart problems. You were so upset the entire time, but your big sister really tried to comfort you. Mom got XRAYS today too to check on my status from pneumonia. Everything looked okay on your ECG. You have a heart murmur, and we will check it again when you’re four months old.

Day 16, Feb 28: Sharina comes to visit for a weight check and you are up to 7lbs 10.5 oz

Day 19, March 2: We saw you pediatrician again for a weight check and you were up to 7lbs 14.4 oz. we did it, just about at your birth weight. We found the sweet spot for your supplement needs with formula in between breastfeeding.

Day 27, March 10: Weight check at Lynelle’s office and you’re up to 8.7lbs.

I'm still only getting about 2 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period. Baby girl, let's get some sleep soon. 

​The world is turning upside down from the Covid pandemic. 

Some developmental milestones:

• Make jerky, quivering arm movements
• Bring hands near face
• Keep hands in tight fists
• Move head from side to side while lying on stomach
• Focus on objects 8 to 12 inches away
  
• Trying to get vocal with sounds
• Attempting to smile, but can't tell if it's from tummy yet ( gas/poop) at times

I'm struggling with PPD/PPA and PTSD. 

April 12, 2020 ( pics taken 4-11)

By week 5, March 17 you are definitely smiling. You're getting more of a voice, too
. 
March 24, 41 days: We had a teleconference video chat with your doctor to check on your skin problems. You are covered head to toe in seborrheic dermatitis. We had to start changing your formula to see if it helps. 

March 25, 42 days: You're up to 9lbs 3.5 oz at your weight check with Lynelle. I had to see a GI dr for pain and ongoing nausea and vomiting. HG did a number on me. Idaho also declares lockdown today because of Covid19. The world is going crazy, baby. It's been so overwhelming to bring you into this world at a time of crisis. You're a brave soul to choose to come now. I love you so much. Thank you for being such a blessing to our family. It's dark times out in the world, but you, my precious baby, are a joy and light in our home. 

March 30, 46 days old: I needed an ultrasound on my gallbladder. I was in so much pain and so so sick. 

March 31, 47 days: Emergency appointment with dentist, my teeth are in bad shape from HG and I need to have dental surgery very soon. 

April 2, 49 days: I ended up in the ER at 1 am. I was in tears and passing out. I was throwing up a lot and had horrendous pain. I had to go alone, because of the pandemic and new hospital policies. I had emergency surgery today to remove my swollen, infected gallbladder. 

April 6, 53 days: Started a rx wash to help your seborrheic dermatitis. You had an in person appointment with your pediatrician for your 2 months well baby check. You are up to 9.11 lbs and are 55cm/ 21.6" long

April 8, 55 days: I have root canal surgery on a tooth that's badly affected from pregnancy. I am only 5 days post op from gallbladder surgery and really not feeling well. 

​April 10, 57 days: William moves in with his dad.

I'm struggling a lot still with PPD/PPA and PTSD from HG. I;m doing the best I can, but I'm exhausted. I love you immensely. Your big sister is over the moon, head over heels in love with you, and you watch her. You light up seeing her. 

April 19, 2 mos and 1 week old. You meet your great grandparents today. It was your uncle's bday get together. We almost didn't go to my dad's house for the BBQ. I have been protective of you and our family as we continually evaluate decisions and outings during this time. But I realized it hadn't been since November when we last saw family or friends. Clara hadn't had interaction with other kids. and honestly, I just needed to get out of the house. I have already been so isolated during the pregnancy and this postpartum time. Covid19 hasn't helped this vulnerable, tender time of the fourth trimester. It was so good for me, your dad, and your big sis to get out of the house. Months of isolation, and it felt so nice to go to my dad's house and be around family.  I was concerned in the back of my mind, but we're all healthy. No one got sick. And no neighbors turned us in. It's really strange times. I remember walking into my dad's house, on this beautiful, sunny day, and feeling like it was almost criminal to be leaving the house. This whole Covid pandemic has everyone on edge, the media is always enforcing the NLP to get us all to stay home, and mayors and governors are encouraging people to call in people that break the lockdown rules. But we all needed this get together so much. 

I haven't been great about taking notes lately. I'm just trying to focus on getting sleep and meeting my basic needs with eating, drinking, and healing from surgeries. We're finally getting more sleep. You sleep great. You take naps. I still struggle with getting enough sleep, but in May I started averaging about 5-7 hours of sleep in a day, not all at one time, but it's so much better than the 2-3 hours I was getting for months, even before you were born, because I was so sick. 

I'm still struggling with PPD/PPA and PTSD from HG. 

You are amazing though, my darling bay. You are in awe of your hands. You have started drooling a lot and we can feel where your first teeth will eventually pop up. 

​May 9, your big brother turned 16. We said screw the lockdown and invited family over on May 10th for William's bday/your great grandmother's birthday ( May 15)/ and Mother's Day all in one get together. Let's jsut call it calculated risk. Good to know we have decent neighbors that didn't' report us for having our backyard party. Yep, big brother wants us all to tattle on each other if we leave our homes or break lockdown rules. it's the crazy world we're in at the moment. But those are thoughts for another post. 

You love when we go for walks outside. You smile and are content for some time. You like looking around.

Developmental Milestones:

• Raise head and chest when lying on stomach
• Raise head and chest when lying on stomach
• Support upper body with arms when lying on stomach
• Stretch legs out and kick when lying on stomach or back, we call it "running", you get excited and kick your legs a lot, and have been doing this for some time now.
• Push down on legs when feet are placed on a firm surface
• Open and shut hands
• Bring hands to mouth
• Grab and shake hand toys
• Follow moving object with eyes
• Watch faces closely
• Recognize familiar objects and people at a distance
• Start using hands and eyes in coordination
• Begin to babble and to imitate some sounds
• Smile at the sound of parents' voices
• You coo and squeal a lot! I LOVE hearing your voice! You babble and “talk” to me
• You smile so much. It’s a huge, take over your whole face, light you up, melt anyone big smile. 

 We were having a lazy day at home while it was overcast and cool outside. I wanted to get some video and photos for the week. We danced, played with puzzles, and watched the newer version of Mary Poppins. Clara loves dancing to the sweepers musical scene. She has since we first watched the movie when it came out back in 2018. 

 Stella is making more sounds and coos. She smiles a lot. Clara and Stella both adore one another. 

 Today ( 5-18-20) marks 13.6 wks since Stella was born. We're still in fourth trimester, still considered the postpartum time frame, and it's flying by. She's changing so fast. 

****************
 The vids and pics are from May 18, but the blog was written today, May 30th:
I couldn't sleep so I got to sorting through some pics early this morning. These are recent shots. I'm all over the place with my photos and vids. I suppose it'll be that way for a while. I don't take a lot of time to sit down and go through everything anymore. But at least I'm feeling like working on something. Having been in a slump with a lot since Stella was born, it feels good when I take time to do something I enjoy like taking photos or putting together a blog for our family site. I feel like some of the PPD fog is lifting a bit at times. I'm enjoying Stella even more. I'm finding myself wanting to attempt to get back into the swing of things, but I have to take things in small steps, because I'm still not feeling fully immersed in everything.. I mean, I guess just still working on getting back to feeling like me.
I hope the kids will enjoy this website someday when they're older and can look back.

​

.Today is HG Awareness Day

 Hyperemesis Gravidarum: a potentially life-threatening pregnancy disease that causes malnutrition, dehydration, and debility due to severe nausea and vomiting, and may cause long-term health issues for mom and baby.

 I have had it in 2 of my 3 pregnancies. It was far worse during my 3rd pregnancy. I was severely ill from 4 weeks of pregnancy up until the day after recovery from my c-section. I threw up 40+ times a day. I threw up not just food and liquids, but also acid, bile, and blood. I was a on picc line, and ended up going in for 3 picc line placements. I was on home health care. I was in the hospital every week for months to go in for fluids when I didn't have a picc line.

 I rarely left home. I was isolated a lot. I had to take an emesis bag whenever I left anywhere. One time my husband tried to get me out of the house, because i was crying and feeling so trapped, he hooked me up to my IV in the car and took me for a drive, but all I could do is throw up. I often couldn't handle being in the car. Many times when I drove myself to dr appointments I would throw up while driving. I would need change of clothes because this also meant that many times I lost control of my bladder, too.

I had side effects from medications.

 HG takes it toll financially, physically, emotionally, mentally, it's a dark night of the soul for 9 months. It took its toll on my other kids, my husband. My teenager often expressed his fear that I would die when he saw me at my worst. My 3 year old was always there to try and take care of me and sometimes was mad at me for not playing with her and being the mom I was before HG. HG hurts not only the mom, but her family, too.

 I had an OB that didn't take my HG as seriously as she should have and I ended up having to make a switch to a different OB that had a greater understanding and compassion for moms with HG. It made a lot of difference in my care. The stress I had before switching was overwhelming and it broke my heart, but that's a story in itself. Point is a doctor or midwife that understands it is crucial in helping HG moms get through it.

 I have complications from the aftermath of HG. I continued to have nausea and vomiting for a month after my baby was born, and I had to have emergency gallbladder removal surgery a month after my csection...during a pandemic, alone. I have major dental problems that I'm getting ongoing treatment for. I have PTSD, PPD/PPA. I am 3 months postpartum and still struggle with food, what I eat, and fear of eating.
HG doesn't discriminate. It affects pregnant women of any age, race, and it doesn't matter if you're having a boy or a girl.


 18% of women meet full criteria for PTSD and more will struggle with symptoms for years, even decades.
 
 1 in 3 babies does not make it to term.

 80% of families suffer negative psychosocial impact.
​
Babies face a 4-fold increase in neurodevelopmental diagnosis

 This is the condensed version of my story and facts about HG.
During my pregnancy I made multiple videos and blogs about my life with HG. Some of it is going to be used for an upcoming international documentary about HG being produced by the HER Foundation. They sent me these shirts as a thank you for my contribution to the doc. I'm thankful to be a part of it and be a voice for women with HG.

 Learn more about HG at hyperemesis.org

 Here's the  link  to all of my HG blogs and videos I made.

 I haven't covered my postpartum journey and aftermath, because it's overwhelming to me emotionally, but today I really wanted to share my voice., my story.

 I am a survivor. My two daughters are survivors. We are TougHGirls.

#hg #hyperemesisgravidarum #HGAD2020 #2020HGvision #raiseyourvoice #tougHGirls #postpartum #fourthtrimester #hgsurvivor #maternalhealth #pregnancy #globalhealth #highriskpregnancy #ptsd #postpartumdepression #hyperemesissisterhood #hgmom #hyperemesissucks

 When William was about 4 years old I got him a butterfly kit from INsect Lore. We had so much fun with it, and we took the butterflies up to one of our favorite spots in the mountains. It's a sweet memory that William stills recalls. 

 I decided it'd be fun to do a month long butterfly study unit with Clara this spring. We were successful in raising 19 of 20 caterpillars into butterflies. Now she wants to grow ladybugs, praying mantis, and more butterflies. 

 This is likely to become a fun tradition in the spring and summers as the girls grow up. 

The Covid19 quarantine as us cooped up, but thank goodness for our first really nice day of Spring. Hanging out in the backyard on a lazy late afternoon. 

We had the radio playing as we blew up the bounce house and it kinda had an eerie, ironic feel to it. Being trapped in a lockdown, the quietness of the Spring afternoon, a new baby, it kinda took on a new feel listening to this old 80s song by Tears for Fears: 
​
Welcome to your life
There's no turning back
Even while we sleep
We will find You acting on your best behavior
Turn your back on mother nature
Everybody wants to rule the world
It's my own design
It's my own remorse
Help me to decide
Help me make the most Of freedom and of pleasure
Nothing ever lasts forever
Everybody wants to rule the world
There's a room where the light won't find you
Holding hands while the walls come tumbling down
When they do, I'll be right behind you
So glad we've almost made it
So sad they had to fade it
Everybody wants to rule the world
I can't stand this indecision
Married with a lack of vision
Everybody wants to rule the world
Say that you'll never, never, never, need it
One headline, why believe it?
Everybody wants to rule the world
All for freedom and for pleasure
Nothing ever lasts forever
Everybody wants to rule the world

Stella's 9 days old. My friend, Edith came over to the house to help with photos.