I overheard William (11) and his friend Aiden (9) talking today about being big brothers.
William: “Dude, when my little brother or sister is 5, and your little brother is 6 or 7, we are going to be like 17, we will be old.”
Aiden: “I know.”
William: “One day I am going to call you up and ask you what you are doing and you are going to say, “Man, I’m babysitting. What are you doing?” and I am going to be like, “yeah, me too, I am babysitting, because we are old, so our parents will ask us to babysit and stuff.”
Aiden: “yeah, I know my mom will tell me to babysit all the time.”
William: “yeah, so we will be talking on the phone, and I will just say let’s take these kids to the park, and we will sit on a bench and talk, because we are going to be 17 and old. We will watch them play.”
Aiden: “Dude, that is old.
Read More Funny Stuff Kids Say:
1) Having "the Talk" with William
This Thanksgiving the turkey won't be the only thing in the oven. ;) I have my butterball marinating for 9 months.
It's been so difficult already to keep this to myself. We are so excited, so spilling the beans before the end of the first trimester! Yep, I am a rebel, going against the norm.
I sure feel this pregnancy. It is far more intense than it was with William already. I didn't even know I was pregnant with William for the first couple months. I had very little symptoms with William until my third trimester started, and only got nauseous and threw up like three times with him in the third month of pregnancy. I remember being super tired with him, but I worked 12 hours a day at least 5, sometimes 6 days a week,and walked 10-14 miles a day most days, constantly on my feet, up until two weeks before I went into labor, so that could be a good reason why I was so tired too back then.
I knew from conception on this time around that I am pregnant. Within a couple days past ovulation (dpo) I was having symptoms. I have had morning, well afternoon/night sickness three times, backaches, cramping, bloating like can't fit in any of my pants type of bloating, thank goodness for Jack's sweats. I have gained three pounds, but it feels like 20, and I am just starting week 5! I am working out and taking good care of myself though. Except I eat more chocolate lately, but that could be due to giving up all the good stuff,you know like coffee and wine, so chocolate is my treat. Speaking of coffee, lawwwd have mercy, that was tough to detox from!
My boobs ache almost as much as they did in my first couple weeks nursing William, they are swollen and heavy, achy and sensitive. If you ask me, I even think my face looks fuller and rounder in this pic, than it does compared to my wedding pics from August.
Last night we watched Inside Out. It was a really good Disney movie, and it made me feel emotional, like ready to pull out Kleenex and sob my eyes out, so the sensitive emotions feel new as of then. My abs, oh my gosh, my abs, what the heck, I did not feel this way until I was like 7 months pregnant with William. I feel like I have been doing situps in my sleep or something, like maybe I have somehow become an amnesiac and do some crazy ab workouts, and forget about it! Seriously, from my rib cage down, I feel like I am stretched out, stretched apart, achy, and like I never want to do another sit up in my life, but believe me sit ups aren't really part of my routine, and not the cause of that, so I guess everything is stretching and relaxing from the get go with this pregnancy. My body must have some good muscle memory or something, like my abs are saying, "yep, got this, been there, done that."
We are so happy! As of right now, writing this blog this morning, I have told both of my parents. I am waiting for the call from my grandma. I told her I sent a surprise in the mail to her. I mailed her prints from the family reunion and mixed in this photo with the bunch. I am looking forward to her call.
William is ecstatic to be a big brother, and I know he is going to be an amazing big brother. He keeps talking about all the things he can't wait to teach the baby, read stories, play ukulele, teach him or her to ride a bike, and so on. He rubs my belly and talks to the baby every day. He is super sweet.
It was awesome to be able to tell Jack on his birthday Nov. 3. I already know that I want to go to a birthing center this time, and stay as far away from a hospital as I can, if possible. This will be a VBAC baby, and I want nothing to do with a medical setting that I had with William. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for it, because he was breech, and I needed a c-section because of how he was positioned, but really hoping to not go through that kind of experience again. I would love a natural water birth in a loving environment, so that is my goal, but will do whatever is best for baby and me.
So July 18th'ish, we will be welcoming baby Allison!
Lots of love to you family and friends, and you know me, I will keep you all posted along the way. ;)
P.S. I was so excited so I began writing blogs right away, there are few listed below under the pic.
We woke up at 5am, and began to prepare for another all day adventure in Kauai. Today we were hoping to see dolphins, and boy were we in for a treat! It was day 6 of our familymoon, and we were going on a 6 hour trip on a raft along the Na Pali coast. First order of business after checking in was buying Dramamine for Jessica. She gets sea sick, so ginger gum and Dramamine were in order. After that, we put our belongings in a waterproof bag, met some of the other people that would be on the raft with us and met our Captain and tour guide.
The tour guide was super friendly, energetic, enthusiastic, and very passionate about Hawaii, and her culture and hawaiian history. We loved listening to her talk to us about the ancient fishing villages along this coastline, stories about the Polynesian triangle, and Pele, the goddess of fire and the Polynesian triangle. At the beginning of the tour, maybe about a half hour out on the ocean, we came upon a very large pod of Spinner Dolphins. Some of them swam right alongside our raft! It was fun to hear everyone on the raft oohing and awwing, and especially to hear William. It's very sweet to hear a kid excited about something so precious. The water is so clear and turquoise, so it was easy to see them swimming around us. It was definitely a highlight of the trip.
We also went to the cave where Robin Williams was filmed in the movie Popeye, and many other films and music videos have been filmed at. This coastline is also the coast that was used for the movie Jurassic Park and Pirates of the Caribbean. It is a famous place, an ancient place, gorgeous, and only accessible by boat or looking down on from a helicopter.
The raft was fun to ride on, but scary too, at least to Jessica. You are on an inflatable raft, sitting on the edge, with only a rope to hang onto. It is a fast, bumpy ride along the waves, and only recommended for people that are physically fit, no heart problems, pregnancy, etc. The afternoon ride back was rough. A small rain had started, and the waves were higher and rougher, and there was no way to film anything on the way back as all of us were hanging on tight. Jessica was really seasick on the way back, but the beauty and wild ride was still fun. We sat towards the back so we got pretty wet on the ride back, which wasn't bad, considering all of us were wet already from snorkeling.
Before snorkeling we went on a hike through a beautiful area off the beach that had many Noni trees, and if you haven't smelled fresh Noni before, well it is quite an acquired smell and taste. we walked past an ancient burial ground, and the place where Pele was supposedly buried, as well as pondering on the giant X on the side of a mountain that is taller than the Empire state building. Hawaiians believe that Pele marked her favorite places on Earth, and formed the Polynesian triangle, this place was marked with one of the 3 X's found in this triangle. It's a really interesting story. After the hike, it was time for lunch. The crew had made a delicious deli sandwich and cookies, paired with guava and passionfruit juice. After that it was time to snorkel in one of the most pristine and gorgeous places on Earth.
Jack didn't snorkel, as he cannot swim, and it took Jessica some time to get over her fear of being in the open ocean, in deep water. William was really excited and wanted to snorkel with everyone right away. Jessica swam out a few times with William, not far from the raft, but no where near out where everyone else was, but when she saw how badly William wanted to go explore with everyone, she worked up the courage to swim out further and deeper than any other time during this trip. Although we had visited Anini beach to try and snorkel, we never went where we couldn't touch, so this was a big hoop to jump through for Jessica. She quickly became comfortable, as she always says when she has her camera and is doing something that pushes her outside of her comfort zone, as she says, " my camera is my super power."
William and her had a blast swimming around seeing a vast variety of fish. William was overjoyed to spot a "Dori" and a "Nemo" fish. After this snorkeling adventure, both William and Jessica were excited to do more snorkeling, so when the raft trip was over, we headed out looking for more beaches and adventures!
Jessica didn't bring her good Nikon gear for this trip, but instead used an Olympus Tough, which held up nicely, and took quite a beating throughout the whole Kauai vacation, and still works well.
Giving It Up to Get Down
If your mind went somewhere a little dirty from the title of this post, well, you aren’t far off topic. First, I would like you to think of something you love, something you consume every day that you could not live without, or at least think you cannot live without. Now, I want you to think about something you really want, but you have to give up consumption of this favorite thing. Would you do it for sex?
I did. I gave up one of my most favorite things, coffee, and I gave it up to get down.
Coffee has consumed me for years, cup after cup, day after day. I was held hostage by my coffee addiction for years, and on the rare occasion I didn’t have my typical 2 cups by noon, my body would promptly begin to tell me I needed it , with a pounding headache, that made everything feel like it does when you hear nails go down a chalkboard. Still, why would I give it up…for sex? Fertility is more like it. We were TTC, for you non- TTC’ers that is an abbreviation for trying to conceive.
The Break UP
You know when you aren’t sure if you want to be with someone anymore, and the idea is looming over your head. You know that the break up is bound to happen, but you aren’t quite ready for it, so you drag your feet a bit. All of September felt like that for me. Then, when we visited my grandma in mid-September, she gave Jack and I a Keurig coffee machine as a wedding present. Well, that was a universal slap in the face; the latest thing to hit coffee, plus a box of coffee to go with it.
So I told myself that since I don’t care for all the new digital products out there that it wouldn’t be hard to not use. I just felt badly because it was a gift from my grandma. I thought of my trusty mini coffeepot. I have had it through many, many years. The cord began to spilt a couple years ago, so it has some electrical and duct tape around it. I traded it in once in April this year for a shiny new red full sized coffee pot. It was super cute and sort of fifties looking. It cost at least a few fingers, if not an arm, but it was so cute on my counter along my red toaster and red Vitamixer. Of course it was digital, but it came with a reusable filter. Oh, I loved that! No more “oops, I forgot to get more filters at the store, and now I have to run to the grocery store in my sweats, so I can have my morning cup of coffee. Oh well, I guess I can buy a Starbucks while I am at the grocery store.” Plus, I thought, it’s great for the environment right, no throwing away coffee filters, so now I am being green. Ha! The ways I fooled myself.
The damn thing stopped working two months in, and I couldn’t get any return or repair as I couldn’t find the receipt for it, and it only had a 30 day guarantee. Back to my trusty little mini coffee pot that has never let me down. It has been through thick and thin with me. It’s the one thing that comforts my lack of ability to function in the morning. Not like my fatigued adrenals and sluggish thyroid make it possible to feel human before 10 am and a cup of coffee, or so I thought, until recently, being free from my addiction. After the red coffee pot went down, I pulled my mini coffee pot out from the pantry and thought never again will I go back on my simple, old, little coffee pot. Again, how I fooled myself, but I just didn’t know it yet that I would really be giving up that little coffee pot twice in the same year, and giving up coffee for good.
If ever there was a soundtrack for someone quitting coffee, I am 100% certain it would be like that of an action packed, intense movie about Armageddon, a total apocalypse, end of the world. Yes, because it feels like that. You know those powerful, anxiety ridden musical scores that play fast, hard, loud, and pounding, and then drop off to something dark, filled with apprehension, then loud and fast again? Have you seen San Andreas yet? Yeah, like that, or maybe throw in a sappy break up song. I couldn’t leave my dependable coffee pot in sight. I had to get over it. So I unplugged the duct taped cord from the wall, and gave it a good wash, soaking it in vinegar, thinking about all the times we had together, and if I was sure I really wanted this to end. I dried it off, and set it high up on the top shelf of the pantry in the back corner, knowing it is tough to reach, alongside it a bag of my favorite coffee from Kauai, unopened, staring back at me, next to my clean coffee pot. They were basically begging and crying for me to take them back.
Cue, Whitney Houston’s “I will Always Love you,” as I turn and walk away, turning off the light switch in the pantry. If this were a music video, it might even be done in slow motion for dramatic emphasis. I look over at my stainless steel teapot. It’s sitting there on my stove, heating up water for my herbal pregnancy tea, my reflection distorted on the shiny metal. Now I love a good ice cold glass of black sun tea in the summer, or a cup of chamomile and lavender with honey and lemon when I am sick, or stressed, but caffeine free tea to get my mornings going, is this a sick joke or what? I mean, c’mon Mother Nature, do women not give up enough being pregnant, during childbirth, and well, being a mom, and all I am asking for is some coffee. Geez.
So the break up happened, and the withdrawals were next up to face.
Ok, so I know some of you are saying, yeah but, “yeah but you can have coffee while you are pregnant, I did, my kids are ok,” or something along those lines. True, 200mg or less of caffeine is okay, but it’s also recommended that when TTC or while pregnant to just not have it too. It increases fertility to reduce or stop consuming caffeine, and I really wanted to make sure I did what I could to not face fertility challenges. Having Hashimoto’s thyroid disease already ups the infertility challenges, plus Jack is a bit older, and so not knowing what we might face, I just wanted to make sure that I did the best I could. I am that way through pregnancy too, and nursing. Always looking to do the best I can, and make healthy choices. Some of you may have still enjoyed your coffee through TTC and pregnancy, which is fine; it’s not for me though. I have a problem. I am addicted.
Although I felt irritable through the day I was just too damn lethargic to really care about feeling irritable, so the first day off coffee I felt like the irritability was manageable only because I was so utterly exhausted.I felt so depressed too, but again, too tired to really care about how I felt about anything. My son would talk to me about his school work or some game he wanted to play, and I swear it seemed like he was talking like the teachers on Charlie Brown, “wha, wha,wha,wha.” I had to have him repeat himself a few times throughout the day, but hey he got a taste of what it feels like to be me on any given day explaining things to him, so we are even. Hahaha
I had unrelenting cravings for sweets. I wanted anything sugary and high in carbohydrates. I tried not to cave, but I had four pieces of bread, sweet potatoes, and half a bar of dark chocolate. It still wasn’t enough to calm the urge for sweets, but luckily, there aren’t treats kept in my house, except a small bit of dark chocolate and figs. I drank hot water with honey, and a few cups of pregnancy tea, nothing stopped my insatiable desire to bring my coffee pot down from the pantry. I told myself I can start over tomorrow, but I didn’t cave. Go team, Jessica! Only I didn’t feel like celebrating after gorging on sweets and carbs, and my migraines and muscle pain made sure to keep my ass planted. No celebrating yet.
The depression seemed to feel worsening, and I had to work past that over the weeks of detoxing. I also had really intense heart palpitations. My heart fluttered so much at times I felt like I couldn’t breathe, which made me anxious.
Detoxing from caffeine is no joke. It really screws with dopamine levels in the brain, and I believe, especially after my detox period that it might permanently alter brain chemistry, and I am not alone in thinking that. There seems to be quite a few researchers that believe the same.
However, by the seventh day I noticed the headache wasn’t as intense, my neck pain was getting better, and the biggest surprise was waking up, and feeling ready to go. I felt alive when I woke up, not like a sack of lifeless rocks. For years, I have had a terrible time feeling awake in the morning. Always sluggish, slow moving, not fully thinking, and turned on until 2 cups of coffee by 10 am. Here it was 6am, and I was awake. I could get used to this!
The symptoms gradually and slowly kept improving over the next two weeks, so by the time we were TTC, I really wasn’t affected by the detox anymore. I gave myself 3 weeks to get off coffee entirely before TTC. That means I got through my normal PMS symptoms too, without coffee. Oh, and I happened to have a painful and infected root canal treatment during this time too. Can’t say I would wish that on my enemies, not that I have any known enemies, but still. I came out of it, and better yet, my son and husband are alive and well too. Hahahaha, ok, joking aside, detoxing from caffeine is rough. It does take determination and a plan. So this is what I did.
One week prior to quitting altogether I began reducing how much I drank. So all in all it took me a month to really detox before TTC. The week of reducing that lead to the three weeks of withdrawals. Reducing wasn’t too bad. By the last day of reducing I had a half cup of coffee, took a few sips, and didn’t finish it. I was sad to see my last cup, but ultimately I had a convincing reason to quit. That helped a lot. I think it’s super important to make your list of reasons, or maybe you only have one reason, for why you are quitting. You need to cling to that, because it’s your goal, your motivation, and something you don’t want to give up on. Detoxing is not child’s play and so you need to feel good about your reason for quitting, or you might relapse. Which, if you do, don’t beat yourself up. Try again. If you really want to be free of an addiction, it takes time, support, and a plan. Be compassionate towards yourself.
I made more time for stretching/yoga, cardio, and walks. My muscles became very stiff, and I was in a lot of pain, so making sure I kept my body moving encouraged me to keep going, keep persevering through the withdrawals. I also took a hot salt bath every night. I only use Dead Sea salt. I don’t trust toxic Epsom salt from China, so Dead Sea salt has been my go to for years. It always helps me relax, and eases my aches and pains.
I also kept coconut oil mixed with essential oils of peppermint, wintergreen, and lavender available. I would rub this on my hands, feet, neck, shoulders, and especially across my forehead and scalp to help with the pain and migraines. I also used Arnica gel, and my most favorite thing for pain and stiffness, magnesium oil. I spray magnesium oil on and massage it in to all my aches and pains. That stuff is truly a miracle worker.
I took naps when I could. I am not a napper. I have a hard time letting down and taking a nap, mostly due to guilt issues about taking a break. I’m a SAHM, homeschooling my pre-teen, and a bit of a workaholic, so not easy to stop for a nap during the day. But I took one almost every day for the three weeks when I was heavily detoxing. Even a little ten to fifteen minute siesta helped.
I drank a lot of water. I mean a lot of water, like a gallon a day. I also distill my water. If you can’t get a distiller for your home, then at least filter your tap water. Tap water is nasty, and that’s a whole other post.
I had immediately switched over to herbal tea in the morning on day one without coffee. I knew I would need something warm to replace my cup of coffee. I enjoy having something warm to drink first thing in the morning. So I bought an organic, Non- GMO pregnancy tea, and also chamomile with lavender. Chamomile is great at helping with having too much caffeine in the body as well as detoxing from caffeine. It was tough at first. Even now many weeks later, even enjoying my pregnancy tea, I miss my hot cup of coffee. Herbal tea just isn’t the same as coffee. I like it, but it’s not the same. I also gave up Chamomile once we began TTC as that can cause complications for fertility and pregnancy as well.
These were my most important things I did as I detoxed. I think being patient with yourself is really important. It’s not easy, I can’t say that enough. I drank coffee for years, even knowing I really shouldn’t have with some of the health problems I have, but it was my one thing I totally loved, and I was addicted. Gluten, dairy, sugar, yeah, not easy, and I still goof on those things here and there and have to watch myself, but coffee, oh coffee, it just was never something I could pull myself to truly give up. It was an addiction. It really was. It still is. I have been without a cup for about 8 weeks now, but I still miss it. I don’t crave it, I don’t feel the detox symptoms now, and if I do, well they are probably just going to get confused with pregnancy symptoms. I miss it for the routine I had for so long. I miss it for the way I thought for so long I really needed it to get going. I miss it for its smell and flavor. I miss it for it really had been there through so much, for so many years. I use to smoke a long time ago, like a lifetime ago. I quit that cold turkey, and it didn’t bother me a bit. I don’t miss it. I don’t reminisce about smoking, but not having coffee is like not having a close friend. Maybe it’s still too early, and I haven’t quite let go of my love for coffee, and with more time the idea won’t even be there. I feel its grip loosening still. It’s feeling more like an old memory that is fading away.
My heart has much fewer heart palpitations now, and in the last week my depression has lifted. I went through a patch of depression during those detox weeks. It made me feel really down, and I blogged about that too. My business has been a source of ups and downs for me over the last year, but it became my catalyst for the depression I felt. I know now that it was my brain adjusting to dopamine levels, and the withdrawals of caffeine, but the depression sucked. It really made me feel poorly. Luckily, I had positive things to think about, like getting’ down and makin a baby, and I understand how to combat against depression naturally and through proactive measures, such as making a gratitude list, eating healthy, and exercise. However, it’s important to understand the depression that comes with withdrawals from an addiction is real, and you need to give yourself time, have a plan, and be ready for it if it happens. Even then, the depression might still suck you in a bit. That’s one pf the reasons why I write. It’s one of my coping methods and has been for a long time.
If you are looking to quit an addiction, even if it is not coffee, there is so much information online. Be clear in your goals, have intention, list what you are grateful for, make your plan for healthy eating, exercise, support from friends or family or an online group, take time to rest, take time to meditate or pray, drink lots of water. Take the time you need to nourish yourself, allow your body to go through the detox phase, and don’t throw too much on your work load. Ultimately, you will come out of it, and you will be stronger for it. Coffee jokes float around often online, but truth is it can become an addiction, and when you show yourself that nothing can have a hold over you, when you show yourself you are strong, you will come out on top, and feel better.
Eight weeks without coffee, and aside from pregnancy symptoms, I feel better without it. I am glad I have escaped its grip. I haven’t made a big statement that I won’t ever drink it again after the baby is born and after I’m finished nursing, but I will know if, well most likely when, I ever do pick up a cup of coffee again how much it has manipulated me in the past, and that I am stronger and feel better without it. I don’t need it. Detoxing from coffee showed me how I had abused myself, and I just don’t believe that any form of abuse is okay. I am a strong, intelligent woman, and there is no substance that should have that much control in my life.
Our Conscious Conception Preparation
The time is finally here. I say finally because not only did I wait years to be able to marry Jack, but years for us to grow our family too. Our oldest, William, is 11 now, and my ovaries and heart have been yearning for a second child for a long time. However, the timing was not ever right for us, until now.
In spite of our age gap, and the age gap between Jack and our soon to be little bundle of joy that is now a bundle of cells forming inside me, and the age gap between William and his soon to be little sister or brother, in spite of my health issues, and Jack’s previous heart surgery, we feel we are at the right time to conceive. I can’t say exactly how people come to the feeling of a huge life decision like this being the “right time,” but it just is for us. There was a lot we got through to get here, and yeah there could be some other factors that could be more ideal, like having my house sold already and moved into a house that will support our growing family, and stronger finances, but we are both on the same page about the timing, and so here we are.
We began talking about kids in spring this year. Jack has joked around numerous times that he wants 4. I am beginning to think it’s not a joke, but I hope it is. I just don’t think I have it in me to go at this 4 more times, but once more, definitely. I adore my friends that have big families, and I like seeing big families, but whew!
To support us in thinking positive and healing thoughts I bought us a program from Hypno -Babies. It came with ten tracks to listen to. 8 for me, 2 for him. His were based on self-hypnosis and affirmations for visualizing healthy sperm, vitality, and fertility. Affirmations such as, “My sperm are strong swimmers. My sperm are normal with oval heads and long tails. I easily release vibrant and healthy sperm. I release at least 30 million healthy sperm every time I ejaculate.” He laughed a bit at it, and said to me, “I will listen a couple times, but I already know I have the best swimmers.” He did listen a couple times, and that was it, and although I laughed at his reaction, I also appreciate his confidence and belief in himself, not just with this, but in pretty much all he does.
My tracks were broken into four parts that each included tracks for self-hypnosis and affirmations too. These are arranged as focus on healthy and balanced hormones, period, ovulation, and conception. They included affirmations such as, “I love my beautiful body. I take responsibility for everything I create in my life. I appreciate the purpose of my period. I love my blood. It flows easily and gently to cleanse my uterus. I am worthy of a fertile body. My egg naturally accepts a healthy sperm to unite with. I allow my uterus to accept and support this new life. I allow my uterus to love and nurture this new life.” And many, many more. I really enjoyed the entire program. Self- Hypnosis is not like some ability to “go under,” or to be under some spell or something wild. It is really a very relaxed state of mind. During the self-hypnosis tracks I fell asleep often, but when I used the affirmations tracks I would listen to them during walks or chores. It’s more like a meditation, if you are more comfortable with that word over self- hypnosis. I found the affirmations to be supportive, even after making love, because I would lie there, most of the time with my feet up on the wall, and think about the affirmations. I thought positive thoughts, and focused my thoughts on love and to visualize creation.
If you would like to know more about Conscious Parenting there is a great lecture by Bruce Lipton, free, on You Tube. He is a brilliant scientist, and studies a field of science I am fascinated by, epigenetics. The first book I read by Bruce Lipton was back in 2008, and it was a confirmation to my “hippie” beliefs as some people closest to me teased about time to time. Anyways, Jack, William, and I watched this lecture during this “open window” time for me. I knew Jack would appreciate it, as he is usually interested in learning new things, especially about science, and I always invite William to keep his mind open, exploring, and learning, so he watched too. Here is the the video we watched below. It’s about conscious parenting, and how thoughts and beliefs, even prior to conception affect conception, fertility, and the development and well-being of a growing baby from conception on.
The question parents to be get asked a lot: Are you hoping for a boy or girl?
Furthermore on focusing on being aware of my own body during this time, I also focused on prayer and connecting with the energy and soul of the child I wished to welcome. This is something I will continue to do throughout pregnancy. I believe that making that connection, even this early on, is highly beneficial. There are many beliefs around the world, and even in science, such as in epigenetics, which focus on the power of thoughts and prayer, even with the unborn child during conception and throughout pregnancy. I have had too many dreams to count of my daughter (in my dreams) reaching out to me. A couple years after I had given birth to William I began having many dreams of her, and the timing was never right to welcome her physically. Some dreams felt so vivid that when I woke up the energy around me felt very real. For some, this is just dreams and not significant. That is ok. I understand and respect that. However, for me, there is a very real feeling and pull to have this child, it’s very energetic, and feels very certain, even well before planning on conceiving this baby. From the numerous dreams of this child being a girl, and based on the energy I feel now, I trust that we will discover I am pregnant with a girl. However, on another note, I am going to be just as happy with a boy too!
When I was pregnant with William, I had the same thing happen, and I knew I was having a boy, and I dreamed about him long before I conceived him. I was not surprised to find out that he was a boy at my 20 week ultrasound. Although he wasn’t a planned baby, and I was on birth control during the time I got pregnant, I can recall the details and feelings I had then. This next baby, I may find that I am pregnant with a boy, and learn some other significance to the little girl in my dreams. That is totally fine with me. Besides, I have a boy and I love raising him, we have a wonderful bond. Ultimately, as any parent will tell you, and what I truly care about the most is that we have a healthy baby.
As I write this I am 4 weeks along, and I am over the moon, over joyed, and I can’t wait to meet my baby next summer. Until then I will continue to send love to her, think healthy thoughts, and send prayers to nourish my soul and hers, or his. Jack is excited and calls me his little momma bear and I love how endearing that feels. Jack is hoping for a boy to carry his name on, but like me, will be happy with either gender, and is only praying for a healthy baby. William is head over heels already. He rubs my belly, and hugs my belly, and talks to the baby, even though he says, “I know it’s only a ball of cells moving around, but I love my little brother or sister already, and I want them to know that.” He melts my heart. The other day when William came home from his weekend with his dad, he said he was so excited thinking about the baby that he began to Google topics about what’s good and bad during pregnancy. He promptly told me I need to not get stressed about stuff, and that he would help me with anything I need. Seriously, I am one blessed momma already, and now I am going to be doubly blessed. My heart is full.
P.S.!!! I cannot wait to spill the beans. Writing about our experience so far is helping me to wait it out, but I just don't think I can wait until end of the first trimester to tell everyone about baby Allison!
Salt Pond Beach, Kauai
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