*photo from March 2020*
Aww, it's her first p(l)@ndemic.
Okay, so I never posted this and no one has seen this image until right now. In fact, I never even looked at it since I snapped it last March until today.
I took it for me, for her, and I didn't want it drug through the mud and shit going on over the last year. I had a baby during this craziness. I saw it coming before I had her, and I told my husband to stock the house, because people would lose thier damn minds and we didn't know what would play out or what the virus would do. That was in early January last year about 5ish weeks before having her.
I suffered with a very traumatic surgery to have her, lost copious amounts of blood and my oxygen levels dropped to organ failure status and was put on oxygen, while I was puking on the OR table from HG. I have not shared or written my birth story....yet. I was extremely ill when I had her. Then I nearly escaped death again when I had to be rushed in to the ER for gallbladder surgery, because C0v!d policies, the hospital and insurance wouldn't let me be seen for surgery until it was life threatening and boy did they let me get to that point.
So say what you will, but at this point I don't have any fucks left to give what anyone might say about this image. I took it when I felt like crap and couldn't hardly get myself up without help during a time the world was losing it's damn collective mind.... and unfortunately it still is. I had the decency to respect people's feelings then and not share it as to not offend anyone, but a year later as I go through images of her, I feel ready to share something I thought was funny and helped ease tension at the time in the moment. Don't get me wrong, in March last year I was feeling very hesitant about what to expect from the virus and really had to check myself to make sure I knew where my faith was, and it wasn't in the media. That's for damn sure. I had PPA/PPD during this time, not fun during the mass hysteria.
My baby girl is brave. The first thing I told her when I saw her was happy birthday, my brave little girl. She's brave and she's a fighter. I know this because her and I survived a hell of an ordeal. She chose a time to be born into this world in the middle of all this craziness. She will always be brave. She has a mission in this life, as we all do.
Now it's my turn to do something brave and that's to keep working on my healing. Part of that looks like me taking time to look at old photos from when I had her. I have yet to look through photo and video of her from birth through the first 6 months really, and not much even since the 6 month mark. I haven't been able to bring myself to do it. It stirs up so many emotions that are hard to deal with and process. I stopped sharing my health journey from HG after I had her, because I just couldn't anymore. I'm going to start trying to take bigger steps this year.
Looking at this picture as I opened up old files, I can't help but wonder what kind of future is in store for her, for all of my children, for your children. I can tell you it has been easier standing up to tyranny than it was to face the personal traumas I went through. I pray for a future for our children to live in a free country with liberty held up and honored. I pray for a future where people trust their amazing immune systems and aren't afraid of human connection. I pray for these babies being born that aren't getting normal development experiences by seeing faces. I pray for all of our children that they will be able to heal from all the fear that's been dumped on them, I pray for all of us to recover from this. More has been lost and devastated not by a virus, but from the propaganda and political theatre around a virus.
To my brave little one. I love her beyond words.