We got to see your heart beating! I remember this feeling. I had it with your older brother. I remember hearing his heart beat the first time, and seeing it, and I thought to myself how I can love someone so much without even seeing and knowing them yet, but I fell so in love with him, I feel even more connected to you too. I am so excited to have that first glimpse of you in my belly. December 28th we went to the first ultrasound. It was so fun! The first glimpse you were sitting upright and we saw all four chambers of your heart. Your little heart was beating so fast. Then like a bolt of lightning you moved around. We couldn’t hear your heartbeat, you were moving so much. Like a little jumping bean, or lightning in a bottle. We affectionately call you our little jumping bean now.
We watched the screen with joy, seeing your little hands and feet, your face. I could feel you too. The midwife, as all the books say, moms typically don’t feel their babies until around 16 weeks at the earliest, some second time moms sooner than that. The midwife said I probably wasn’t feeling you, but I knew right where you were before she even placed the jelly on my tummy to start the ultrasound. Little flutters on my lower left side. It started just about Christmas Eve, lying in bed, then again on Christmas, and every day since. I feel you fluttering around in my belly, always on the left side. So it was no surprise to me when at first she had a hard time finding you, until she came to my lower left side, and there you were! You were bouncing all over. It was the cutest thing ever to see, really, daddy and I keep talking about how cute you were moving around in there. When I first got a glimpse of your big brother, he didn’t move like this. He was calm, and even as he grew I didn’t feel him much. I only recall a few times he kicked or moved enough to see or feel on the outside. You looked like you were having fun, playing in there.
At one point, I adjusted myself on the table, and lifted my left arm up by my face to rest by my head, and you did the same exact thing a second later, we all saw it and laughed, thought it was a peculiar thing, like you copied the way I moved. Your little arm moved, your hand by your eyes, and you turned on your side and we saw your face. Which isn’t clear yet, it was more like seeing where your eye sockets are, and the midwife said that this early on, sometimes people think babies look a little creepy, but we thought it was so cool to see you, see where your bones are, see your heart beating, see you jumping around. Soon enough you will get even bigger, and all that space will become limited. Daddy can’t wait to feel you move. I wonder if you will move this much as you grow. I rub and push on my belly, talk to you every day, and tell you how loved you are.
I am nearing 13 weeks, and first trimester is coming to an end soon. I am looking forward to it. I have been very sick all of first trimester. I feel exhausted, and have slept a lot. I am hoping as the placenta grows and takes over more of the hormones you need, that my body can readjust to pregnancy, and I will stop throwing up all the time, and feeling so nauseous. A handful of people tell me to just think of you and how blessed I am, and how special you are. I think of you every day. My brain is pretty much all baby thoughts. You are always on my mind. I don’t forget for a second how special you are, and how happy I am to be having another child.
Still, the sickness has been rough, and a lot of times I don’t feel like myself, nor have the energy to be my typical self. That hasn’t always been easy to deal with. Sometimes I feel frustrated with the sickness and tiredness. But then again, I am reminded through it, that I need to take time to slow my pace, because I am nurturing and growing this tiny, precious little human. All of my workaholic, multitasking, and working out habits will change for a while once I have you in my arms, and so far this pregnancy is reminding me of that. That is ok. Routine gets old sometimes, and things need to get changed up.
Besides, it is nice to have the ability to get some extra sleep when I need it, especially since I am up peeing every hour through the night. Which is probably a good sign, because over the last couple weeks I have been able to get a little more fluids down, not much, but better than it has been the last couple months. Also over the last couple weeks I wake up early and can’t fall back asleep. I think about things; you, the new house being built, work, your big brother, your daddy. Mostly, I feel happy, and just daydream about holding you, nursing you, taking care of you, and I find a couple hours goes by, then daddy’s alarm clock goes off, and the day needs to begin.
***This song is for you, little jumping bean, little lightning in a bottle! I hear this song, and I just love it, it makes me want to dance, it's happy, and makes me think of you in my belly, and how I think of you so much. Probably not the songwriters intentions, but oh well, I am making my own interpretation, and I will dance around with you in my belly . In a couple weeks from now, you will actually be able to hear it for yourself! :)