No Fluids for Hyperemesis Gravidarum

Pain to Art Photo Concept

Pain to Art Photo Concept
A bad dream the night before my PICC line was removed inspired me to take a haunting image of what it feels like to not have fluids with Hyperemesis Gravidarum. 

Tuesday, Sept. 17, 2019, I had a dream during the one hour of sleep I got that night. It was the night before my PICC line was scheduled to come out. I was so depressed, so anxiety-ridden. I felt like I already had no control over my body, and now I had no say over what happens to it either. My doctor chose to remove my PICC line due to risk of liability and that I needed to try harder to get more fluids in on my own and to stop bypassing my gut.
Those of us with HG, Hyperemesis Gravidarum know that getting fluids down and keeping them down on our own is incredibly difficult, and very unlikely to happen once HG gets to a certain point. I have struggled with HG for two pregnancies. This one has been the worst by far. For 15 weeks of the 20 weeks of this pregnancy, I haven’t been able to stomach fluids and most food. Having a PICC line was a lifeline, it was hope, it helped me feel somewhat like myself again, and kept my body capable of being in the fight against HG.
10 days without my PICC line I was throwing up all the time again, not keeping a thing down, and had lost 7 bs. My doctor still refused fluids. I ended up in the ER last night getting fluids because of that. This isn’t about hating on my dr. I still like her and think that she’s a good doc in lots of other ways, and she’s a fantastic surgeon. However, I have felt so let down, so depressed, and so desperate for fluids. It’s hard when you want your dr on your side and feel unheard.
HG is not understood by many, including doctors. We’re 1-2% of the pregnant population. We fight through every day.
This photo, imitated as closely as I could to the vision from my dream that night, says so much to me. I cannot drink. I’m so very thirsty all the time. I’m continually doing what I can to fight nausea and urges to throw up. I don’t get say in how I can get fluids. I can’t control what is happening to my body. I’m totally out of control, it’s entirely out of my hands. I’m doing my best. I sip, I suck on ice cubes, and I just can’t quench the thirst or stop the vomiting. I could be surrounded by all the water and not be able to get to it, unable to get it down.

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