December 14 I was 30.3 weeks pregnant with baby 3. I decided I better get some maternity photos done, just in case, because the clock is tickin. I had planned to take so many photos this pregnancy. I wanted to document it weekly, and all the cute maternity outfits I got. I thought I'd fill up my instagram feed with cute maternity pics and make a whole album just for this little one to print out. I thought our family would make fun and silly videos just lie we did with Clara when I was pregnant with her, but HG had its way with me, so the most of any documenting I did has been about HG.
Jack put up the backdrop in the living room for me. I got my nails done, and put on the dress I had bought for the Redwoods. We had planned to take a trip over the summer to the Redwoods, but it never could happen. Between HG and needing to have home health care.
So HG aside, after doing my hair, makeup, and nails, I was already tired, and knew being on my feet long wasn't going to happen. We snapped a few pics with the tripod and tier. Clara participated a bit better than I anticipated. When Jack and I tried to get shots of him and I together, she got a hold of a marker and decided to draw all over her legs, and I didn't edit it out. It's life with a 3 yo. Oh well.
Clara absolutely adores my belly. She hugs and kisses it every single day. She talks to the baby, and runs around saying how much she loves the baby in my belly. She gives my belly raspberries and squeezes it. She Likes to bring the baby dollies and toys. I can't wait to see her be a big sister. She's already such a sweet big sister.
William has been spending more time at his dad's place, so he isn't around much between school, after school activities, friends, and being at his dad's, and to boot, he really doesn't want to be in photos. He promised me one pic with him before the baby comes. He's changing so much, and at 15 he really asserts its own will. He grew up with my camera in his face and really just isn't a fan of being in pics anymore. It's hard to get decent pics of him. But there are moments he lets me. So hopefully soon I'll be able to get a picture of him and I together.
To see my documentation of Hyperemesis Gravidarum during this pregnancy, here.
To see all maternity pics through the years, To scroll through other blogs and be sure to click previous at the end of each page as you scroll, it's easy to miss the previous arrows:
See all Maternity pics here
See all pregnancy blogs here
Documenting LIfe with Hyperemesis Gravidarum
Being a voice for HG on an International level.
Shower Prep with a PICC Line
My story of dealing with an OB I thought I could trust, and that at one time i held in high esteem, only to discover that her ego was bigger than her heart. She treated me as though I was just a lazy person that wanted to be sick, and that I just needed to try harder. She's the one that pulled my first PICC line out, and it only got worse from there. Eventually I was switched to another OB after she dropped me as a patient.
Here's some Facebook posts that I shared along the way:
October 3, 2019 ( I was so stressed between Sept 17 through this day about how I would get fluids. I started looking for other OBs that might be able to help me get fluids, because my OB wasn't going to help me with it at that point)
"I'm sooooo happy! I found another ob dr that will work as part of my care team and administer fluids and vitamins. I can get a Meyers cocktail. I can go 2x a week and not have to switch providers. She was so great to meet. We did hear a concerning arrhythmia in baby's heart though. So need to look into that. We finish the anatomy scan next week, so we'll have more answers then. I'm just so happy to start getting fluids regularly again. I can't wait to feel better and have vitamins. It's such a weight lifted. Plus not having to choose between providers is a huge anxiety laden decision I won't have to make."
This didn't last long though. The nurses at the functional medicine practice struggle a lot to get IVs started in me, and my veins would collapse and blow. Plus, they ended up only giving me 16 oz at my visit and it would take 3 hours to get 16oz of fluid. It wasn't helpful, so I just went back to Quick Care.
November 18, 2019 Facebook post:
"So long story short...
My previous OB went out of her way to sabotage my treatment, again!🤬
If you're following my updates you know I have a different OB now. She, my new ob, had my picc line put back in last Monday.
So my previous OB still being hell bent on things being her way or the highway decided to call and report my new ob to MFM today when she found out I had an appointment today. MFM promptly told my new ob that my picc has to come out. She's fighting them on it.
There's more drama than this. But that's the main thing that happened today. I asked my previous ob to give me a moment to chat with her and set things right, because I hate this drama, and tbh and blunt, she's being abusive. She of course refused to talk with me. Serious ego problems and immaturity on her part. I'm so pissed with her and so is my new OB.
That's the short of it though today.
To boot, I have bronchitis and a sinus infection on top of HG. My picc line has a lump that needs to get checked tomorrow and needs to be readjusted since it's "tickling " my heart potentially. Otherwise I think it's ok. I'm getting fluids at home regularly the last week, which is nice, so I'm praying that all is good with my picc.
Ffs, can it just be February already? And can the majority of drs that have a god complex please be made to take some emotional intelligence courses?"
*Nevermind the countdown at the beginning, I was voice recording at the same time as I've been working on content for a documentary.
Difference Between Pregnancies
My personal experience with 3 pregnancies. One is totally normal, and the other two surviving with Hyperemesis Gravidarum. Nevermind the countdown at the beginning, I was voice recording at the same time as I've been working on content for a documentary.
Effects of Hyperemesis Gravidarum on Kids
What will be the effects on my kids born from pregnancies fighting Hyperemesis Gravidarum?
Medications for Hyperemesis Gravidarum
Medications, side effects, and concerns with Hyperemesis Gravidarum.
IV Bruising and PICC Line
This shows some of the major bruising I experienced after having so many IVs for weeks between PICC Lines. Then a couple close up shots of my PICC line and the damage to my skin that comes from having adhesives on to protects the PICC line.
Breastfeeding with a PICC Line
I had planned to fully wean my toddler by the time she turned 3. However, I was incredibly ill at the time she turned 3, and I didn't have it in me to commit to fully weaning, so I reduced her feeding to once a day, and many days she doesn't even nurse now. So many times I've been too sick for her to sit on my lap, to cuddle her, and to especially nurse her. She has been super sweet and gentle knowing mom doesn't feel well and is sick. Once in awhile she just absolutely needs mommy to hold her and nurse her. It's hard being so sick and feeling easily overstimulated, overwhelmed, so it becomes easy to be touched out and not want anyone touching me.
photos taken late Nov. 2019
IV Infusions at the Quick Care
A cell phone pic of me October 8, 2019 at the Quick Care getting fluids. I was working on crocheting a baby blanket to help pass the time and take my mind off being sick and sitting there for hours.
Last ER Trip for Fluids
September 27, 2019 was my last trip the ER for fluids. I had been on my first PICC line for 10 days, had lost about 9 lbs, was severely dehydrated, and constantly puking. After this my OB decided to get on board with allowing me to go to Quick Care for fluid 2x a week.
However it wouldn't be my last ER visit for the pregnancy.
Since then I ended up back there the night before Thanksgiving because my 2nd PICC line was bleeding a lot, aching, lumpy, and I needed to have an ultrasound. No clots found, but it proved to not be working well. It was causing problems with my heart, and was forcing itself out of my arm, so I needed a replacement PICC, a 3rd PICC line. I just don't have photos from that night. The 3rd PICC line went in Dec 6, after an X-Ray on December 5 showed that it was coming out of my arm too much. The catheter would totally jsut keep sliding out everytime I had a dressing change, and was constantly achy.
Here's the Facebook post I made though to go with the photo below:
Thanks for never turning down a sick pregnant woman that desperately needs fluids. Tonight there is a caring crew that gets it or at least is sensitive enough to understand what I need.
My dr keeps turning me down for fluids. I'm losing weight, not holding food or fluids down. Dr says try harder. Dr says I must be fine since my labs look normal.
Tell that to my raw throat, dry lips, hungry belly, thirst I can bever quench, and massive fatigue.
Tell my dentist I'm normal when he saw how bad my teeth are getting from puking up acid and bile.
Tell that to my nurses that have blown vein after vein because I'm dehydrated.
Tell that to my ER doc tonight that had to use ultrasound to find a good vein, because I'm too dry and blew the vein in my hand.
No one wants to be in the ER, but I'm so thankful we have decent insurance and ER won't turn me away. I'm thankful tonight that I get fluid.
I'm thankful tonight that I got to chat with a caring nurse about hg and share what I know with her because she doesn't quite know what it is and how it effects women with it.
Not all pregnancies are beautiful goddesses walking through flowery fields looking peaceful. Not all pregnancies are magical like social media wants women to buy into. Pregnancy is a lot of work even in a average, normal, healthy low risk pregnancy. With HG the reality is that it sucks. It's taboo to share the negative and difficult side of pregnancy, but taboo can kiss my ass. I won't sugarcoat this, and I also will fight through it till the end. At least there's an end in sight, aside from the trauma of it.
I will speak up about HG because it needs awareness. I never want pity. I want people to just understand that even though there's a small little percentage of us that fight this, we're fighting every day for ourselves and our babies.
December 6, 2019 Facebook post:
" On my way to the hospital for another picc line (3rd one). The 2nd one that's currently in since Nov 11th has been having problems, so have to go through another procedure. Totally sucks and the days after are so achy. It gives me lots of anxiety going through this. Fingers crossed all goes well this time. Gawwwd, not much longer to go in this pregnancy, but feeling like eternity at the moment."
Not Having a Good Time
October 18, 2019 Facebook post:
"Just spent 6hrs in the L and D triage for fluids. My veins are wrecked from all the IVs. Awesome nurses and dr though. It sucks goin through this, but it's really wonderful when nurses and drs are good at what they do, have fantastic bedside manner, and ate genuinely caring. A friend of mine tagged me in this while I was at the hospital (she didn't know I was there), and I couldn't help but laugh. Some days are hard, but you gotta have a sense of humor and lightness. At the end of all the hours trying to get IVs in, ready to go home, Clara got her finger stuck in a little metal hole on the back of the bed just as the nurse was taking out my iv. Couldn't get it out, but finally came loose with lubes. It's just crazy life sometimes. Shit happens, but we come out of it alive, hopefully with a good story, wisdom, and a sense of humor. Not all days are met with a sense of lightness amongst the chaos, some are just met with tears, but at the end of the day, for anyone goin through something tough, I hope you have a nice warm bed to crawl into and even better if you can crawl under the covers with someone you love. I know I'm looking forward to my bed tonight. Time to have soup and get cozy."
Another Trip to L and D
October 25, 2019 Facebook post:
"I made a hat this morning!😀 Photo outside the Meridian hospital. Clara had a hearing test that we need to get more clarification on if she's having trouble or not. Then it was off to iv fluids for me at another hospital from where we are now. So glad this munchkin is such great company for these hospital days."
An Article about HG and Its History
November 8, 2019 Facebook Post:
"Tearing up reading this as I sit in triage waiting for an IV. I've read so much on hg, trying to understand it, to find ways to help myself, and so thankful for the couple online support groups. I shared my story and post updates in hopes to bring awareness to the illness.
It's terribly sad and infuriating how women, including myself, have been mistreated, or in better terms, not treated just as equally. And sometimes it's just luck that you get a caring and knowledgeable midwife or OB and I've experienced both sides. It makes me even more thankful for the people that have been there for me, because I know what it's like to stand up for myself to people and providers in disbelief.
I really can't say it enough, this illness doesn't have enough information, support, and awareness. If you're having babies or know someone that is and they're suffering, you know now from knowing me, help them, support them, and advocate for them when they can't. If I can drill it in to a couple people even to spread awareness about hyperemesis gravidarum then that'd be fantastic. What a woman endures through a pregnancy with hg is utterly awful. I just want the suffering to stop for myself and those that have it. I want drs to understand it, and know how to help their patients, and I want all women with it to feel supported and cared for.
I wish I could have a magic wand to wave over all of us that have it, have had it, and will have it, and to wave over the medical and research field."
Article Title: My Extreme Form of Morning Sickness Was Terrible. Not Being Believed by My Doctors Was Worse.Hyperemesis gravidarum is dangerous, and treatable. Why does the medical community still ignore it?
Second PICC Line
Nov. 11, 2019 Facebook post:
"Picc line is in. My arm is achin , and tomorrow and Wednesday will be the worst of it, but within a week, if all goes like last time, not only will my arm be feeling better, but I'll be hydrated and feeling better overall. I'm scared to have a picc again, but so thankful too. Looking forward to not having to go to the hospital 2x a week and no more getting poked with numerous IVs. Back on home health care."
Clara's had a lot of fun playing with the Christmas train. her first Christmas she would sit in her bouncer and just watch it go around, but now she loves to sit in the middle of it and play.
Tonight, Clara went to see Santa at the Christmas show we go to every year at the fairgrounds. She wasn't too sure about seeing Satna. Last year there were a lot of tears, but this year she was hesitant and quiet. She really wanted to ask him for a "big Twilight." It's a My LIttle Pony that is really tall, robotic, talks, and moves its eyes. Santa did bring her the big Twilight and she couldn't be any happier. She's in love with it. She has asked for the big Twilight for months.
Finally out of 2nd trimester! Still dealing with Hyperemesis Gravidarum. That's a picc line in my arm. Can't wait to be done with pregnancy.
Comparison of Clara @27 weeks and baby 3 currently I got so big with Clara. HG has definitely kept me smaller this pregnancy. Overall with Clara I gained abut 60 lbs. By 27 weeks with baby 3 I gained only 12 lbs, and was only at 4lbs weight gain by week 25. My picc line ha helped a lot.
We had sooo much fun doing this shoot! I would be a witch every year if I could, but then I always want to do other themes. This year though, we all agreed witches should be the theme.
We broke it up into a couple of sessions. We did some indoors and the bulk outdoors near More's Creek.
There's a lot of images. It may take a bit to load. Click the first image to get the gallery slideshow started and see the full images.
(I'm pregnant w/ Stella in these pics and have a picc line in.)
Check out Linder Farms here.
Outdoor shots and a coupe Halloween Boudoir
Nips blocked by spider overlays for the sensitive, not that it does much lol
To see all maternity pics through the last coupe pregnancies, here
This is the last year we can go visit Linder Farms in Kuna. We checked it out last year and had fun. This year William got a job working the farm for the fall. I adore the shots of Clara running around the hay maze. I also love William so much for squeezing on that little toddler train because Clara wanted him to ride with her. He's such a good big brother. She gets a kick out of him.
Clara loves the pony ride so much. We took her on the pony ride at the fair a couple months ago, too. She seems to really enjoy it, so I'm going to look into lessons for her.
We stayed here for a few hours. We enjoyed the bonfire for a bit, too. Although I was really sick by the end of the night with HG from being pregnant with Stella.
For reference and comparison. I was already bigger at 18 weeks with Clara. At 18 weeks with Clara my HG had finally stopped. To9 read about Hyperemesis gravidarum, here
To catch up on all pregnancy blogs, here
To see all maternity pics from both pregnancies and scroll through, here
Pain to Art Photo Concept
Pain to Art Photo Concept
A bad dream the night before my PICC line was removed inspired me to take a haunting image of what it feels like to not have fluids with Hyperemesis Gravidarum.
Tuesday, Sept. 17, 2019, I had a dream during the one hour of sleep I got that night. It was the night before my PICC line was scheduled to come out. I was so depressed, so anxiety-ridden. I felt like I already had no control over my body, and now I had no say over what happens to it either. My doctor chose to remove my PICC line due to risk of liability and that I needed to try harder to get more fluids in on my own and to stop bypassing my gut.
Those of us with HG, Hyperemesis Gravidarum know that getting fluids down and keeping them down on our own is incredibly difficult, and very unlikely to happen once HG gets to a certain point. I have struggled with HG for two pregnancies. This one has been the worst by far. For 15 weeks of the 20 weeks of this pregnancy, I haven’t been able to stomach fluids and most food. Having a PICC line was a lifeline, it was hope, it helped me feel somewhat like myself again, and kept my body capable of being in the fight against HG.
10 days without my PICC line I was throwing up all the time again, not keeping a thing down, and had lost 7 bs. My doctor still refused fluids. I ended up in the ER last night getting fluids because of that. This isn’t about hating on my dr. I still like her and think that she’s a good doc in lots of other ways, and she’s a fantastic surgeon. However, I have felt so let down, so depressed, and so desperate for fluids. It’s hard when you want your dr on your side and feel unheard.
HG is not understood by many, including doctors. We’re 1-2% of the pregnant population. We fight through every day.
This photo, imitated as closely as I could to the vision from my dream that night, says so much to me. I cannot drink. I’m so very thirsty all the time. I’m continually doing what I can to fight nausea and urges to throw up. I don’t get say in how I can get fluids. I can’t control what is happening to my body. I’m totally out of control, it’s entirely out of my hands. I’m doing my best. I sip, I suck on ice cubes, and I just can’t quench the thirst or stop the vomiting. I could be surrounded by all the water and not be able to get to it, unable to get it down.
Catch up on all blogs about Hyperemesis Gravidarum